The ‘J’ Word

As the contestants on Strictly Come Dancing are all too well aware - over use of the ‘J’ word is such a cliche but here goes…..it’s been a journey!

I felt like it was always going to be important to share my personal experiences, emotions, internal/external struggles, highs and lows when I started to consider developing and launching your weddingology.

I fought with an internal dialogue that pretty much went along the lines of -

‘ I don’t want to seem like I know it all, I can’t possibly be qualified enough to do this, it will seem inappropriate and condescending to offer support or advice when I really am not an expert. What if it just looks like I’m jumping on on the bandwagon for my own financial gain?’

Along with, a vastly contrasting -

‘ it’s so important that neurodivergent people are seen, heard accepted and supported. That sharing the complex and varied experiences of the individuals who identify as neurodivergent will help us all understand a little better and in turn, maybe go some way to make things easier in a world that is mainly designed and welcoming to the neurotypical. Maybe I can make a difference, all be it small, little baby steps in the right direction. Why should I worry about a few sceptics that might derive and decide that I am only doing this to get something out of it for myself. There will always be the haters, the negative Nancy’s who will belittle, pick holes and see bad in everything and wouldn’t that just be cowardly of me to worry about being judged.

So, here I am.

My inner voice still meets at dawn to duel and scraps like a belligerent puppy whist I try to ignore any negative thoughts or fears about getting things wrong, but ultimately, this is too important a subject to let someone else’s possibly misguided or misinformed opinions stand in my way.

So big girl pants on, (always, I am, after all 53 -long gone are the thongs of yesteryear)*

As I sit and write this blog I am coming down from maybe the busiest of wedding seasons I have ever experienced in my 25 years in the industry . 2023/24 has seen me mop up the last of my ‘Covid’ brides along with a huge amount of new customers; as weddings are now held every day of the week there isn’t a breath of air between one client to the next.

I have also found this year that there has been a continuing spiral of stress and anxiety radiating off my brides - whether this is caused by an increasing unstable financial outlook, the unending options and choices they are bombarded with, or the pressure that social media and doom scrolling forces into each of our subconscious minds , who knows

(I feel like there is a blog post in that alone - discuss)

It might be a good idea at this stage to share with you what I actually do - your weddingology is a passion and a personal venture that I really hope to develop and world domination is obviously my ultimate goal - However I juggle this along side a ‘very’ full- time role as a bridal wear designer. I design and manage two separate Bridal collections, design and produce couture Bridal pieces for individual brides and run a bridal alteration and re-modelling service. My diary is always fully booked at least a year in advance and I usually work in the region of between 60-80 hours per week…….I have just had to have a small lie down after re-reading that and I am now wondering (as always) whether I am just a little bit mad for even considering attempting to embark on this new venture - but as I say its a passion and anyway who needs to sleep/eat or have any form of social life?

Here’s one of my couture dresses worn by the beautiful ‘Liv’……image courtesy of Jasmine Andrews Photography

But my personal experience with neurodivergent traits and a rather steep learning curve delivered by my wonderful, amazing daughter has catapulted me into this new and, to me, unknown world, with words like neurodivergent, nerotypical, sensory awareness, ADHD, Autism etc - opening up not only a gaping cavern in my own lack of knowledge but, it highlighted a vast encompassing need within the industry I have worked in since the last century.

Whatever area of the wedding industry we work in we all have contact with people - that is the basic truth.

We communicate with, share time with and often get to know the couples we work with on an intimate level. Learning their family structures, their future hopes, their shared love stories and, as couples often spend a number of years planning their big day, these people stay with us and join our own personal journeys for sometime. Its not just a simple transactional process where we fleetingly fly in and out of each others spheres, we really do get to know each other well.

My time with brides over the past years has opened me up to individual struggles, stories, triggers and personal issues that often hears me jokingly quip ‘I’m more like a therapist than a Bridal designer’ Ultimately though this is what I want my Brides to feel when I work with them - I want them to feel comfortable to share anything with me and welcome their stories, I want them to enjoy their experience with me as much as possible. (For many Brides that I deal with, the simple process of trying dresses on in front of someone can be triggering and overwhelming - I discuss this in detail in my blog titled ‘Finding the one’) But I also want them to know that this is how I will treat everyone I work with before I even meet them so I started to think about this.

I started to realise that I must have served customers who were neurodivergent, I must have served people who feel like they have to mask their needs, I must designed dresses for brides who coupled with the usual stresses of planning a wedding they also carried around with them ideas and suggestions that they could have shared with me that would have made their own individual journey so much more enjoyable or just simply doable.

OK, so following on from that train of thought there must also be nerodivergent people out there avoiding the whole process altogether, there must be couples that would love nothing more than to get married but simply couldn’t face the daunting process that ‘getting married’ currently screams at us from every magazine, social media platform or wedding fare. This made me feel sad.

The Wedding industry in my mind has to offer more, it has to learn more, it has to support more, it just has to do more. So what could I do?

So here I am.

I wanted a platform where all couples could feel safe, I wanted a place where all neurodivergent people could start their wedding journey in the knowledge that each supplier they talked to and worked with would offered a supportive, understanding approach. I wanted each and every person to know that their personal stores were important and that any supplier they came in to contact with would tailor their service or product to suit their individual needs. I wanted a secure place where neurodivergent people felt heard. Inclusivity has become a buzz word recently and I wanted this space to encompass everyone after all the dictionary definition tells us:

inclusivity: noun: the fact or policy of not excluding members or participants on the grounds of gender, race, class, sexuality, disability, etc

Nerodivergent traits are often hidden disabilities so I felt it was even more important that the space highlighted the support offered to couples, it sang it from the rafters, it made it as clear as possible that it welcomed people with neurodivergent traits and then slowly after much pondering, discussing and fighting with my internal dialogue the idea of your weddingology stared to push its way through to my conciousness.

I could put this space together,

I could share my own journey,

I could reach out to suppliers,

I could help neurodivergent couples find their way through the daunting process,

I could learn more,

I could teach what I had lerarned,

I could create a safe space for everyone,

I could, couldn’t I?

So here I am…

P.S (that’s not me….) it’s the gorgeous Keely image courtesy of Faye Wilde Photography

Trying to juggle my already ridiculously busy work schedule, my important role as mum to a neurodivergent daughter, my continuing exploration into a the neurodivergent world and the development of your weddingology is often a little crazy but very rewarding.

This introduction blog piece hopefully gives you genral overview of how things got stated but I will have so much more to say (no suprises there) so check out my future blogs as they pop up to learn more.

*I have never actual worn thong! unless of course my memory has blocked that hideous image out of my brain.

chat soon

love

Rachel

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